Hitting the Reset Button

"Fasting is God's way of hitting the reset button." ~ Pastor Stovall Weems

Before that quote makes much sense to you, it might be necessary to hear the context. Over time, our lives get jumbled. Things get hectic, we get distracted, we lose sight of what really matters and every day becomes more about getting through the fog and less about living the life we want - or that God wants for us. If you are like me, many of you have a computer and/or smartphone that doesn't always... cooperate. They crash or freeze or lock-up or, or, or, because there is too much data, too many things trying to process all at once... and what do we do when that happens? We hit the reset button. Sometimes it is just that simple. Select restart, let the thing boot up again and boom, you're ready to rock. Other times, it's a little more complicated. You reset the machine... but you also have to reset everything that's on it... Now, what does that have to do with fasting? Well, to be honest (as it pertains to me, anyway), if restarting my system were just as simple as hitting the reset button right before bed and being good as new the next morning... we wouldn't be having this conversation. It isn't that easy. Many of us have weeks, months, even years worth of junk jumbled up in our brains. That kind of baggage clouds our minds, removes our focus from God, and takes a while to get rid of. So, we fast. Through fasting, we remove the distractions and through prayer, reopen a portal directly to God. Now, I am not suggesting that in order to be effective, fasting must be done in 21 day stretches. No, in fact, in many cases fasting for one or two days is effective. It really depends on your personal needs, what you feel called to do by God, and what you feel is necessary to right all the wrongs and get back on track. Over the course of the fast, things happen. The old dirt and grime falls away, we start to feel lighter, clearer and more focused. We become open to hearing and receiving God's word and His will for our lives. In essence, we've hit the reset button.

Day 1

Yesterday was interesting. I started my day by reading the devotion for Day 1 of the fast and spending a little quiet time with God. I also re-read some of the support materials for the fast. There are several steps suggested to help you begin and go through your fast. One of the first steps is to confess your sins, repent and ask and receive forgiveness. Awesome. None of us really like to admit when we've gone astray, done something wrong or something we aren't proud of... but, um, we're talking to God here... it isn't like He doesn't already know... so, it is not so much about revealing an enormous secret as it is acknowledging our mistakes. I made a list, talked about it (out loud to God - and my animals, too, I suppose, since they were in the room), etc. and I asked for forgiveness. Now, cognitively, I know I have been forgiven, but here's the rub. I do not feel forgiven. That is, I realized yesterday that my problem isn't confession and repentance, acknowledging my mistakes. My problem is allowing God to forgive me... or really, allowing me to forgive me. I am not receiving God's forgiveness. Well. That explains a lot. That explains why I continue to punish myself, feel bad about things and generally just not allow myself to get over or past something I feel I've done wrong. An interesting revelation, but really, rather awesome. So, first on my list of things to pray about during this fast? Asking God to show me how to let go, accept His forgiveness and forgive myself. In truth, I feel better already... and I slept deeper and more peacefully last night than I have in months... and that is after just one day of fasting.

Now, that didn't happen in a span of 15 minutes. I mean, I made the list and all that rather quickly, but I didn't feel any strong revelations or emotions one way or the other right away. I put it aside and continued spending quiet time reading from some of the books on my Christian reading list.

I started with 30 Days to Experiencing Spiritual Breakthroughs (Bruce Wilkinson). I read through Day 3, I think, and got far enough in to discover that I am sitting firmly in Chair #2. Now, many of you probably have no idea what that means - I didn't either, before yesterday. It is a rather simple concept that uses three chairs to illustrate our position as relates to God. Chair #1 is essentially where many of the apostles spent the majority of their time. It is the place where Christians who are God focused and in pursuit of everything God has for them sit. Most Christians can claim to have been in this chair at least once. Chair #2 is for those who pursue all that the world and God have to offer. (This is me - didn't know that until yesterday) And Chair #3 is for those who have lost all sight of God and are focused wholly on what the world has to offer. The interesting things about the three chairs - we've all either sat or can sit in all of them at some point or another. The good thing is - we are not stuck in the chair we find ourselves in today. Good news, indeed. This book is not intended to be read in a day, however, so I stopped myself at this point, determined to save some for the rest of the days.

The next book was given to me at least two years ago by my dear friend and mentor. Facing Your Giants (Max Lucado). I never even opened the cover (sorry Harold)... until yesterday. I am thinking that is exactly how it was supposed to happen, though. Had I started the book two years ago, I think most of the relevance would have been lost on me. I had not yet faced any giants I struggled to conquer. My demons were not so great, my doubts had not yet surfaced. This book, in a word, is brilliant. It is based on the story of David (appropriate, considering that I am pursuing David's fast). Now, I have read the story of David several times, recently even. There was one part of Lucado's book that struck me particularly so far. He puts David's story into a different perspective and mentions, specifically, that many 'straight arrow' Christians do not rejoice in David and really find his story to be terribly disappointing. That was me. When I read the books in the Bible pertaining to David and first fully understood what I was reading - the victories and the terrible downfalls - I was... discouraged. Terribly. I mean, this man had everything (literally) at his finger tips. He was one of God's favorites... and he fell in the worst kinds of ways. If that could happen to him, what in the world kind of chance did I have? I won't lie, I turned my nose up at him and his unworthiness. Until yesterday. I am just five chapters into this book and already I have experienced an 'ah-ha' moment. Yes, David was a favorite. Yes, David had many victories. Yes, David struggled. Yes, David turned his back on God. Yes, David fell. But you know what? God loved him anyway. Even in his worst and darkest moments, God never stopped loving him. All he had to do was ask forgiveness and turn his focus back on God... and he was restored... because God loved him still.

How completely amazingly awesome is that? Now, I haven't finished the book yet, so I still have more to learn, but I'll tell you - just that one revelation was enough to make me not feel quite so bad about my shortcomings... because I know I am forgiven... and that even during the dark times, God never stopped loving me. Awesome.

Well, yesterday wasn't all complete fun and games and awesome revelations in God's word... but it wasn't terrible, either. I consumed a lot of juice - yum - and made a couple probably a little less than intelligent food choices - black eyed peas and then later butter beans - yum... but oops. Ha! Let's just say it is a good thing I live alone... and that I think I'll put a little more thought into what I eat over the next 20 days.

Also, the same thing that happened on Saturday happened again yesterday. Early afternoon a sudden ridiculous wave of exhaustion came over me. I stretched out on the couch, fell straight to sleep and when I awoke a couple hours later I had the beginnings of a migraine. Again, I didn't let it derail my plans. I still managed to get all that reading done and finish the night with an evening scripture and prayer... but I didn't get as much reading done as I wanted and just felt generally bad physically. Still, I slept well and feel fine today... and now it is time to finish this up and get working!

Happy Monday! Much love and many kisses!