Naturally, this time is beneficial for anyone who desires a closer relationship with the Lord. It also serves quite well for those who have a relationship with God, but feel they have fallen away, lost site of the path, or simply feel that they are missing the bigger message, or have crowded out God's voice with their own or the voices of others.
So, why am I fasting this year? Simple. Great Expectations. You see, for years I put all of my energy into meeting the expectations of those around me - family, spouse, boss, friends, even members of the church I attended at the time. One divorce, two churches, and a few bosses later, I've realized that I have flipped over to the other side of that great expectation divide. I expected to be further along in my career. I expected to remain healthy. I expected my boyfriend to be madly in love with me and know that I was the girl he wanted to spend the rest of his life with after a year of dating. I expected to be crazy about the house I've poured so much of myself into over the last almost 2 years (wow, that went by fast). I expected God to grant me the deepest desires of my heart. You see where I'm going with this? These are some Great Expectations. What's the fallacy? Simple. These are MY expectations, many that are applied to other people... even God. Eek.
Now, after months of dissatisfaction with myself in my career, not being completely crazy about my house, recently discovering that my blood pressure is higher than normal... and seems to be determined to stay there, and a rather heartbreaking revelation that my boyfriend (despite loving me) isn't sure that I'm "the girl." Well, I rather feel like a hot mess - and not the endearing kind.
It is through all of this that I've realized something. I think I've lost sight of the big picture. I still pursue God, seek a greater relationship with Him, and strive to be a proper disciple. But, I'm losing my battle with losing hope. I am losing this battle, I believe, because I have propped it up against my own, very specific expectations.
Of course, there is scripture to support my expectation for God to grant me the deepest desires of my heart: Mark 11:24 "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." and BOY did I believe. I conveniently managed to forget that these things that I believe God so strongly for will only come to me in God's timing - not my own. Also, I believe it is possible to desire something that is not in line with what God has planned - which is where having the ability to focus and hear His voice is critical. It is through that stillness that we feel His nudges back to the proper path. I was SO sure that the things I expected were mine, I stopped listening for the gentle corrections, stopped being still enough to feel the nudges.
Which, my lovelies, means it is entirely possible that I have strayed from the path, lost perspective, lost some of my joy, and am the reason I am losing my hope.
I am following the Daniel Fast, reading my devotions and bible versus every day, and working at being still and just listening... without falling asleep or getting distracted. I am also, probably not entirely wisely, disciplining my body through a new workout regimen. Reminding myself that my body is a temple. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 "Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies."
Better health, better nutrition, better focus, better understand of the Word, better able to be still, better able to hear God, better able to understand my current condition and maintain hope for better days. Better soul, better spirit, better connected to my God.
That is why I am fasting.
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